Well, that was a close one.
The scoreboard seemed to have a glitch at the beginning of the game since the people in charge of keeping score (naïve newbies, no doubt) were simply adding corresponding points to baskets made. What a bunch of maroons. That was quickly fixed and now your betters can go about the onerous task of choreographing your American Dream so you don’t have to. Nonetheless, I must admit a bit of nervousness when it looked as if we might sink back into those benighted days of recent and traumatic memory, but all is well in sports once again.
Although some recalcitrant sports fans who choose to live in a fantasy world might hide behind such tropes as “The game is rigged!”, “Why are the rules for one team so different from those of the other?”, they still have no excuse for their behavior. By now they ought to understand that in this game, the Harlem Globalisttrotters have to win. Why can’t they get that through their cinderblock craniums?
Anyone who follows this game knows how it goes. The Globalisttrotters show up on the court and the Washington Rhinos are there as hapless straight men – although more and more of them are not. The Rhinos have a role to play and that role is to be the foil. It’s quite simple. And the Rhinos can’t complain since they get their weekly envelope and all the other perks that no one else sees, so there’s really little to discuss here.
Ok, ok, one might grant them a little slack for their misguided hopes, cretins that they are. After all, there was a time not too long ago when the Rhinos got a new captain who barged in unvetted, untutored in the ways of how a captain should act, and certainly proved to be untrainable. It was horrible. And what was his greatest sin? He deluded the masses; not only the Rhinos’ fans, but also many of the Globalisttrotters’ fans as well. He began to lead his team to wins that weren’t supposed to happen. The socially misengineered masses were fed a bunch of lies by this carnival barker who convinced them things could be different. This was the very definition of cruelty: making people think things were different than they are.
Suddenly, the glory days of when the Globalisttotters could travel, carry the ball, introduce extra basketballs into the game, stop a green-clad Rhino in his tracks, point to the floor behind him, or stuff a player’s contract in his face, and once distracted, take possession of the ball only to saunter away and dunk it, seemed to be a thing of the past. Although the majority of the country got behind the degraded Rhinos, eventually the truth that they were the wrong majority began to sink in.
Lest there be any doubts amongst the few hangers-on of that captain whose name may not be uttered, just wait till the results of last week’s game in Maricopa come in. You’ll see.
— Fr. Cliff Ermatinger