Pietro Longhi, cir. 1755
Translation of the Letter of Blessed Paul the Apostle to the Ephesians (Eph 5:22-33)
Brethren: Let women be subject to their husbands as to the Lord; for the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is the head of the Church. He is the savior of his body. Therefore, as the Church is subject to Christ, so also let the wives be to their husbands in all things. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ also loved the Church, and delivered Himself up for it: that He might sanctify it, cleansing it by the laver of water in the word of life; that He might present it to Himself a glorious Church, not having spot or wrinkle, or any such thing, but that it should be holy and without blemish. So also ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself: for no man ever hated his own flesh, but nourisheth and cherisheth it; as also Christ doth the Church: for we are members of His body, of His flesh, and of His bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and they shall be two in one flesh. This is a great Sacrament, but I speak in Christ and in the Church. Nevertheless, let every one of you in particular love his wife as himself, and let the wife fear her husband.
Continuation of the Holy Gospel According to Saint Matthew (Matt 19:3-6)
At that time: The Pharisees came to Jesus, tempting Him and saying: It is lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause? Who answering said to them: Have ye not read, that He who made man from the beginning, made them male and female? and He said: For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife, and they two shall be in one flesh. Therefore now they are not two but one flesh. What, therefore, God hath joined together, let no man put asunder.
The Saving Words of the Gospel.
In the Name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost. Amen.
Transcription of Audio
In our consumerist world, we’re told that an infinite number of options is a good thing and that it means happiness, but life and our own experience tells us something else. The options aren’t really that many, and what we do with the one that we make, and the attitude and the trust with which we enter into the decision we make, that really makes all of the difference.
June is a popular month for Catholic weddings, not just because of the weather, but because this is the month of the Sacred Heart, who is meek and humble. And I think it’s helpful to understand this mystery that we’re going to witness here in a little while, if we understand the liturgical context. We understand ourselves, our lives in Christ better if we understand ourselves liturgically. So, what has preceded this day? Well, not long ago, we had the celebration of our salvation in Easter. We had the celebration of the descent of the Holy Spirit on Pentecost, who was the means to sanctification in the foundation of the Church. A week later, we had my favorite Feast Day, which is the Feast of the Holy Trinity, where we got to consider God’s inner life; this eternal communion of persons, giving and receiving, a radical openness of one to the other; of gift of self and receptivity which also produces new life. From the love of the Father to the Son, and the Son to the Father proceeds the Holy Spirit. And so, this then is the icon, this is the image for the family, from the love of these two, this eternal love, this unending love comes new life. Then, of course, we had the celebration of Our Lord’s love for His bride on Corpus Christi, in which we celebrated the Eucharist, which is a foretaste of Heaven that awaits us. And yesterday, we had a bittersweet celebration of the Sacred Heart. Bittersweet because it reveals Our Lord’s ardent burning love for us, which He complains goes unrequited in many cases. And so, yesterday was an invitation to make up for the love we haven’t given Him, to make up for faults against Him. Today is the Feast of the Immaculate Heart; Mother of God, Mother of the Church, Our Mother who stood faithfully at the foot of the Cross when many others ran away. And tomorrow we see the human fruit, the logical consequence of all of these mysteries in the martyrdom of Peter and Paul, who gave their lives for Christ as witnesses and for the Church.
And so, in this context then we, in a certain sense, have the tools the foundation to understand marriage because it has something of all of those mysteries that the Church has teed us up for this big day; of salvation, of holiness, of surrender, of absolute gift of self, receptivity, new life, laying down one’s life for the bride, fruitfulness.
Thomas Aquinas tells us that goodness is expansive, bonum diffusivum sui. Goodness is expansive. It goes out of itself. It brings about new life, new things, and that’s why in the life of grace things are always being built, things are always being constructed, there’s always a newness. And this is why Augustine calls this life in the Trinity ever ancient, ever new. It never gets old, even though it’s ancient. It’s always new, even though it’s been there all along.
And then, in this context, we have this Gospel today from Matthew 19 in which the Pharisees try to set Christ up for embarrassment by challenging Him about the indissolubility of marriage. And he says, “Of course it’s that way.” If you consider all of these mysteries that we’ve just mentioned, of Easter, of Pentecost, Trinity, Corpus Christi, Sacred Heart, there’s a permanence in this gift. There isn’t a sell-by date. There isn’t an expiration date. It’s forever. Because if it’s not forever, it’s not real. It’s…the definition of love is absolute. There is no end. And this, I think, is why many people fear marriage.
In German, the word is bindungsangst, it’s fear of commitment, and people can sometimes think that as long as I don’t commit myself, I’m free. Well, free in what sense? What does that mean? Well, I’m free from all sorts of responsibilities, I guess. I’m free from a relationship. But the Catholic notion of freedom is not free from something; it’s freedom for something, and better yet, it’s freedom for someone, in order… someone to give myself to. A religious, a priest gives himself to Christ in the Church. Matthew and Mary will give themselves to Christ, the church, and each other in a very particular exclusive way, and that can seem daunting. And it is, if we, like the Pharisees, only look at human weakness, but Our Lord doesn’t set us up for failure.
When He asks for commitment, He gives us what’s called the grace of state. And so, married in the Church, receiving the sacrament, you will receive what are called sacramental graces. And that sacramental grace is not merely the infusion by the Holy Spirit of grace in your souls the moment you make your vows, but those sacramental graces will be there as long as you’re in a state of grace, as long as you preserve the life of the Trinity when you start your new home. And home is actually an interesting word.
Home comes from the Latin word for smoke, not in the ethereal passing sense of smoke, but home as the hearth, the fireplace, that’s the center of a home. We also get the word human from this word in Latin, umus. And so, there’s some lot there because it’s right in the context of a home, of a family that one discovers oneself, one discovers the other. We find our own limitations living under the same roof with other people. We find other people’s limitations and difficulties, and that’s not a problem; it’s just a situation. And it’s a situation that Our Lord wills.
He wills us to have difficulties because if we didn’t have difficulties in our relationships, in our lives, how would we exercise virtue? If everything went easily for us, we would have no opportunities to grow. And so, difficulties are assured, okay, but they’re not the end of the story. They’re just a part of it because Our Lord wants you to be saints.
As you form your own home, it’s a reminder, then, of the true home, which is the blessed Trinity, its Heaven. And your task, Matthew, as spiritual head of your domestic church, is to be the priest, the christ who lays down his life for his bride, for his children, accepting as many as Our Lord wants to give you, with the support of your bride, Mary, who stands faithfully at the foot of the cross to support you. And sometimes, those supports will be unsolicited and unexpected, and that’s also part of God’s plan – right? We don’t always like support, especially guys. We don’t always like being helped, and nonetheless, Our Lord has set it up that way for you to be helped by your lovely bride, Mary, whom I’ve known since she was a little girl.
And so, God has really blessed you, Matthew, and I’m happy for both of you as all of us are. And nonetheless, it’s just starting now this new home, but you’re not on your own. You have the support of the People of God. You have the support of all of Heaven. And so, as long as you cooperate with God’s grace, then God will shower you with further sacramental graces for the success of your home, of your family, of your lives in Christ, of your own holiness. And then your home will be a true place of family, place of communion, of persons. It will be an icon of the Blessed Trinity.
In the Name of the Father, and of the Son, the Holy Ghost. Amen.
~Fr. Ermatinger